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Been away but not forgotten ...

Hello land of journals and inner thoughts!

I have been away for a while, but I have not forgotten about you, it was a little hectic getting ready to go to Phoenix.  And let me tell you, what a journey!  I shopped and shopped and shopped and never really got tired.  My friend S was so happy and impressed with me, she told me that over and over again.  It made for a amazing time.

AND ... I got onto the plane, took the seat belt and ... CLICK it slid into place with out much problem, I was comfortable (as comfy as you can be on a plane) and happy that I was able to make that goal.

Speaking of goals, I haven't been on here in a while so I haven't givent my stats as of late ... in 5 weeks I have lost 15 pounds!  Here is the weekly break down:

Jan 25 ... 3.8 lbs down
Feb 1 ... 4.2 lbs down
Feb 8 ... 2 lbs down
Feb 22 ... 5lbs down

So even with going on holidays I am down in weight! I am feeling good and I think that is why I spent so much shopping.  I got clothes I can wear even as I lose weight.  But still make me feel good ... I am loving this.  You can imagine my surprise when I went to my weigh in yesterday and she told me that I was down 5 pounds ... I was shocked.

So I sat my brother down and told him I wanted him to move out, at first it was a fight, he didn't understand that I needed my time, my space and my own place.  But after a while he understood and we are ok, he is only worried that we are going to drift apart and not talk as much, but I reassured him that it's not going to change and that my door is always open to him ... so it seems to be ok.

Well I am off for now, I will try and keep this more consistant from now on forward ... it's good for me to express myself.

*kissz*

Weigh in time ...

So Wednesday is upon me once again.

I am heading over to the Weight Watchers clinic after work for my weekly weigh in.  I feel very positive about it, I feel I have been following everything as I should be, but the pessimistic side of me wants to say I have been doing short cuts, but my optimistic side wants to say that if anything I have been over analyzing things.

So I guess the scale shall tell me tonight .... EEEEK!

After my meeting tonight I am going to sit my step brother down and tell him it's time he move.  I want to live alone, I NEED to live alone.  I want the mess I clean up to be my own, not someone who spent their day sleeping.  I want to come home and not be frustrated because of how lazy one person can be.  I want to come home, put on my booty shorts and work out on my wii with out having to worry about someone coming home.  I want .... peace.

My mother, the ever loving person she is, comes to visit me on Sunday and see my new bedroom furniture and she is complaining about how her shoulder hurts.  She figures she slept on it funny.  Well she called me on Monday at work to inform me that she had dislocated her shoulder ... IN HER SLEEP.  Now I am a rough sleeper, but really????  LOL

So she went to the hospital and they pumped her full of demerol and put it back in place, sent her home with a prescription for a muscle relaxer and anti inflammatory and pain meds, but because she can't drive (she is right handed and its her right shoulder) she calls her only child (ME) and asks me to drive downtown where she lives, to St. Boniface where her Pharmacy is and back to her place to get her prescription, oh and while I am there can I get her some groceries ... LOL so of course I do it, because I am such a loving child (sarcasm - the way she would say it).

Well there is 14 days left until I leave for Phoenix for a week, I have never been but I am looking forward to it.  It appears we are going to be two very busy girls.  We plan on hitting up the Grand Canyon, Sedonna and some wild life park.  Plus a lot of shopping, Grrr I hate shopping.

*smiles*

So done with it all ...

I am finding it very hard to not lose my patience with my step brother, he has become so lazy and disrespectful of my stuff.  I am honestly tired of being treated like a hotel, if you just leave your stuff laying around someone will clean it up for you!  I am going to sit him down this weekend and tell him he has to find his own place, I am going to give him till the first of April, but I am sure he will take it personally and get extremely upset/angry with me.

I have already told my father I am doing this, so he is prepared for the back lash this may cause ... but I am HOPING that he will be mature about this and will understand where I am coming from.

On a different note, I am going to take my measurements tonight, and watch to see if I lose more inches then pounds ... because I am still feeling like I am getting smaller ... but then again that could all be in my mind.

Week one results - Yippee

So I went for my one week weigh in, they laughed at me because I looked so scared as I stepped onto the scale .... and the results were, 3.8 lbs down! 

That may not seem like a lot but to someone who has worked as hard as I have to achieve this, it is a huge leap forward, and it paves the ground to week two.

I still have a lot of questions but I will ask them as I go along, who knows I may be able to figure out the answers on my own.

I think I am going to start to exercise this week, I should see bigger results if I do that ... but it's finding the energy to do that, which is easier said then done.

I have to be careful though, because of the stress I am feeling because of my step brother it could be a bad thing.  I need to figure out a way to talk to him about him moving out without angering him, not because I am worried about him being mad at me, but because of my dad.  I know he would be hurt and upset if my step brother and I stopped hanging out, or if he got mad at me ... and I don't want to do that to my dad.

Anyways, I am signing off for now.

Survived the weekend ... sort of!

So it's Monday, and my first weekend of my new lifestyle change left me ... doing good!  I even survived the baby shower!  Saturday was a tough day for me, but not for the reason I thought it would be ... I didn't get all my points!  I had to have a happy meal at Mcd's just to get somewhat close to my needed points total and even then I don't think I made it.

I watched what I ate at the shower, but before I went I have a two egg omelet with 1 oz of cheese and some mushrooms, so I was pretty full when we got there.  Then I didn't eat anything in the evening, so I think it balanced out right.

I am slowly telling more ppl, but still not everyone ... I know I won't get the support I should.  But my one friend R, she has been amazing with me on this journey, we went out Saturday night and sat and talked about what I am changing and how, she had suggestions for me, and pointers.  She was so encouraging, it was so nice to know I have her full support!  She was even laughing because as we were sitting there I was picking my bun apart and not eating half of it ... where the old me would have eaten evey last piece.

I know I have only been doing this for a week but I feel smaller, my clothes fit differently, I can't explain it but I just feel smaller.  I know it's in my head but I am enjoying it ... LOL

Anyways, another day at work is almost done, I am finding I am having to force myself to eat ... which is not easy!

Day two ... blah

So I made it to my desired points yesterday, I think.  I am not a 100% sure on how to figure these out, I weighed my food after I cooked it, so is that wrong?

I am still dragging myself around, I feel like I got no sleep at all but I went to bed early.  I'm not sure if it's the medication I'm on or the fact that my body is going through a bit of a shock right now ... all I know is that I am soooo tired.

I am not sure if I should tell all my friends about my journey, someone them are not so supportive and the ones that are, will also make a point of pointing out my failures.

Hmmm something to think about.

Have been eating healthy for a couple days now, but yesterday and today are my first ones on the plan ... so far seems good, and I have not cheated yet, which is a great thing ... especially that I have been near, but still said no to temptations.

Well, maybe I will come on tonight and post something, if no it will be tomorrow  ... be good all.
So I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting last night, I think this program is one that I can have success with.  It is a very flexible plan, with the ability to still eat what I love but within limits.  It does require me to measure things, which is a pain in the ass but if I get into the routine of doing it, it should become a automatic response when cooking over time.

So lets put my stats down, I think I will do this once a week the day after my weighing in:

I am 36, I stand 5'0" and I weighed in yesterday at 273.2 lbs.  My goal is to be apx. 150 by this time next year, so that would require my weight loss to be 2.37 lbs a week for 52 weeks.  This is a possible obtainable goal, I just have to make sure I follow the plan as much as possible.

I was asked why I wanted to lose weight, I am a happy confident person who never shows her insecurities.  But last year when I went to Las Vegas with my mom and best friend S, I had a hard time doing up the seat belt over my belly on the plane, I got tired of walking to easily and it made for a lousy trip.  I want more energy, I want to not have to worry about whether I am going to "fit" in a booth at a restaurant, or whether the shopping mall I am going to has "plus sized" clothing.  I would like to be able to walk into a normal store and buy normal clothes, I would like my dad or mom to be able to buy me a shirt and not have to worry about whether it is going to fit or not.  I want to be able to go to a club and not feel like the only girl in the room that nobody wants, I want to be able to wear high heeled shoes and not have my feet kill me after ten minutes of walking in them.  I want to go back to Mexico and be able to zip line over the rain forrest, I want to go back to Vegas and enjoy myself while shopping and dancing the night away. 

I want to feel desirable again ...

Plus, I want to have a baby, and the doctors tell me I need to lose weight to make this possible ... so here I am.

Let me prove to myself that I have the will power to change the way I live my life right now, That I will be able to be healther, live healther and above all else, feel healther.